Blocks

It's been a couple weeks since I last posted on the blog. Today's post is about blocks: all the things that are in the way of me doing what I want to do.

Wix Blocks

The main reason I haven't posted in a few weeks is some kind of issue with Wix. Whenever I've tried accessing the site, I get a 403 (forbidden) or 429 (too many requests) error. While these issues sound easy to solve, it has taken 2 weeks for me to once again gain access to Wix and my Wix blog. I tried clearing my cache, clearing my cookies, using different web browsers, using different devices both Apple and Windows, using different wifis, using a VPN, and contacting Wix Support. None of these seemingly easy fixes fixed my problem.

Today, I was at school on my usual computer with my usual settings, and Wix actually showed up. No errors. I had to log back in since clearing my cookies and cache, but it was all there again! Yay! So here I am in the library before a work meeting, writing my blog post before I assume the errors will reoccur. And if it does, I have no idea how to solve it as I've tried this computer, browser, wifi set up before and was given the errors. Is it pure luck? Is it something Wix fixed? Who knows? Not me.

Apartment Blocks

I am finally free from my previous apartment. In the last 2 weeks, I've moved all my stuff elsewhere where I feel a bit safer. Legal aid and the HUD never helped me as I made too much and they deemed my issues outside of their jurisdiction. Instead, I did what my landlords would not and marketed my apartment online, at school, and in person until people set up tours with me. One person toured and knew they wanted the apartment two days before I gave up my keys. They applied, and the apartment must be theirs now, as my apartment has been taken off the company website.

It has been very frustrating doing my landlord's job for them marketing my apartment. They didn't give one tour of my apartment while I was there. Not one. I had to talk with people who flaked on me, who didn't read requirements before contacting me, and who ultimately were playing with me. The fact that they charge $300 to market my apartment and not do anything is such bullshit. The only reason I got out of that fee is because I have a disability that they were making worse due to the stress of living somewhere unsafe and paying money I didn't have to live there. They should have paid me for my marketing time. It took up all my time and energy.

I cleaned my apartment top to bottom and turned in the keys on Friday. Now that I'm finally free, a great burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I can sleep somewhat at night again, and there are no more nightmares about my neighbors and landlords. Yay for the bare minimum of meeting my psychological needs!

Financial Blocks

One of my largest blocks in the last 4 months has been financial blocks. It's part of the reason why I needed to move in the middle of the semester. It's part of why I'm trying to avoid medical care that I should be getting as a chronically ill person. It's part of why I considered rehoming one of my ESA cats. It's a large part of my Depression. Everything all comes from the root cause of insufficient funds. Basically, I'm broke.

I have attempted to solve this block in various ways. I applied for food stamps, medicaid expansion, legal aid, food shelves, emergency funds, grants, scholarships, and moved into someone else's apartment for the time being. Despite all my reaching out for help, I was rejected by so many of these resources for making just a bit over the maximum limit. I guess I'm considered part of the fucked over lower-middle class despite having little to no money. And my car engine light has gone on twice this month. I know I'll need to get a loan to survive this year, but I want to postpone that as late as possible to avoid unnecessary interest. I hate being poor; I work too hard for this to be my reality.

Mental Blocks

Lastly, I've had some mental blocks. I had a few goals for this semester:

1. complete my comprehensive exams by December.

2. publish a book review.

3. submit my article on student research processes for publication.

So far, I have not made much progress on any of these goals because I have been exhausted by applying for and being rejected by financial and legal aid, trying to take care of my apartment situation, and working as my new position this semester. After I do all these tasks, I am wiped out by the end of the day. I go home, play videogames and eat some Taco Bell, the go to bed trying not to stress over how much I hate my stage of life and wonder why every choice I make seems to be the wrong one.

My rejection sensitivity has severely increased lately due to all the work I put into applications and seeking help but getting rejected due to a couple twenty-dollar bills each month. I feel helpless as I've exhausted all my fight responses. I've started freezing instead. I'm hoping that now that I am living elsewhere, this will help me move forward. There's no way to tell right now. All I know is exhaustion and rejection. I want to be elsewhere. Hopefully achieving one of my semester goals this month will help me start fighting again. Until then, pray for me. I've had a rough few months and I need a break like you wouldn't believe.

#IDisappointMyDad #IDMD #post32 #10282024 #blocks #mentalhealth #mentalillness #rent #lease #apartments #tours #work #worklifebalance