I Think I Should Leave

from I Think You Should Leave, Season 2, Episode 1

I was planning to go to Texas this weekend in hopes of seeing I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson Live. I originally hoped to see this show in L.A. on my 30th birthday, but it sold out within 24 hours. I was elated when I saw a tour was scheduled and decided to make a big trip of seeing the show in Texas with my cousin. This morning, I woke up to the news that the show had been cancelled.

This is the second show in 6 months that I was looking forward to that got cancelled. The first one was a Jonas Brothers concert that got cancelled so they could perform on Good Morning America or some football event. This time, it seems there was a scheduling issue. I wonder if it has to do with the expected weekend thunderstorms. I guess it doesn't matter much either way other than the fact that I felt personally snubbed by the Jonas Brothers as they chose general America over Midwestern fans. I hope this isn't the case for my favorite show. I literally named my cat after the iconic Pay It Forward sketch from the show. Sigh.

In the last year or so, I've been feeling especially prone to rejection sensitivity. For those who don't know what that is, here's a link to a VeryWell Health article on it, but it basically means I don't handle rejection very well (see what I did there?). Within the last year, I've been rejected by work and internship opportunities after over 30 interviews, my department has lost multiple faculty who could have been on my dissertation committee, I've lost a handful of friends for reasons I don't understand, and these shows I planned to attend were icing on the shit cake. I literally change the station every time I hear Jonas Brothers on the radio now. I'm not saying I deserve the opposite of rejection and only good things, but I wish I could catch a break from the hardships of grad school every once in a while without all the problems that follow.

I feel like at this point, planning trips and vacations is more like gambling. I hate gambling. I'm too poor for it. I get excited seeing ads and invites for events I'd love, then start planning for plane tickets, lodging, and reservations. I put all my energy, money, and hope into it. Then I find out days before that it is cancelled or something has gone wrong. At the end of the day, I think I should leave but I'm still stuck here. The main breaks I get usually take place in Urgent Care or the ER.

I'm not trying to sound pessimistic, but that's what these blogs have turned into so far. I guess I wouldn't be disappointing if it was otherwise, huh? If only the cure for rejection sensitivity was easy.

#IDisappointMyDad #IDMD #IThinkIShouldLeave #post5 #04152024 #ITYSL