Mixed Feelings of Mentors

Mafruha and I in matching co-designed bucket hats

In January 2023, I started my internship at the NDSU Center for Writers along with a new student in our master's program, Mafruha. Thus began a beautiful friendship and mentorship. A few conferences, trips to Minneapolis, a co-presidency of our school's English Graduate Organization, and a publication later, I find myself waving goodbye to one of the best people I've met in graduate school. She's heading to Ohio to start her PhD program.

I am so grateful to have someone as smart, kind, and beautiful as Mafruha in my life. The best things in life often come unexpected and she was one of them. What nobody really talks about in regards to mentorship in graduate school is the bittersweet moment of seeing your mentee move forward (something any good mentor should want for their mentee) but in a different place hours away. I've had quite a few mentees during my time in graduate school, but it still hits hard whenever they move away. I'm no stranger to people ending friendships or communication once one of us moves away.

Still, there are lifelong friends I've had who still maintain friendship and communication from states and countries away. I'm so grateful for them as I've moved a lot for my personal and professional goals. There's no way to really know if each person in your life will stick around or stop contacting you when you are states away. I've had friends promise to not forget me and never reply to a text message from me again. I've had colleagues who slowly fade away as my time elsewhere grows. It hurts with friends, especially those who have been around for long periods of time.

Nobody talks about the hurt when mentees move away too. There's no way to tell if they'll move on or keep in touch. Thankfully, Mafruha and I are at least hoping to present at a couple conferences together this next year to help stay in contact. Still, I hope and know she will find good mentors, friends, and colleagues where she is going. She's a wonderful person to work with, and I know people are attracted to people like her as friends and mentors. As I finish my own degree, I debate how involved I should be in trying to form relationships this last year before I potentially move far away.

As I process this change, I want to give some hope for other mentors. There's always someone who needs the help of those further in their programs or mentors who are where they want to be. There's always opportunities to help others and show them they belong and are valuable in society, the workplace, and the field. Be alert to them. Be kind to them. They may be one of the best relationships you form. Despite the pain when they move on, mentees are worth investing in. Just be aware of your own boundaries and keep in ming the upcoming changes that may occur. You learn over many interactions as a mentor who needs you most, who benefits from your relationship most, and who doesn't. I've been lucky to say this one was the best so far, and I have room in my heart for more who need me.

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