Proposal Planning

I search websites for RFPs, read them in detail, and start writing why someone deserves this money. Okay, well maybe it's a bit more complicated than that, but in a nutshell, that is what starts the grant proposal writing process for me. The best part, in my opinion, it teaching undergrad students how to research and write grant proposals. It's one of my favorite classes to teach so far. I group together my students based on their weekly schedules, skills, and interests then pair each group up with a new local non-profit in need of funding. The students go through a realistic process of working with a client, learning about the non-profit, and writing a proposal for a specific RFP that the client can choose to actually send in as an application.

I'm not here to talk in depth about this tonight. I'm talking about another kind of proposal. I'm sure you can guess which kind. This last year, it seems like a lot of my friends, family, and acquaintances are getting engaged and married. It's hard not to fell very remorseful for how I lived my adult life as I see people around me move on to the next steps in their lives as I battle to choose the dissertation topic and move onto the next steps in my own. Despite telling myself I would never waste over 5 years with someone who didn't propose, I wasted a little over 7 with a guy who was never going to propose to me, or marry me. I now waste my time in a city I can't wait to leave, so I try not to grow too close or dependent on the people who could I love forever. I'm currently failing at that goal. It'll hurt even more a year from now when a lot more of them leave. Still, I am happy for my especially loved ones.

Proposals for a prom date, a new lover, or a future spouse can be cute or go awry. I've seen secret surprises in the form of a scavenger hunt tracing significant places in their relationship. And I've heard of him pulling out the wrong ring in a 2-star motel only a couple miles from a photogenic beach or an hour from the California mountains. Much like grant proposals, relationship proposals can go well if planned and lucky enough. Or they can go miserably. Who's to say if the terrible ones get a second chance?

Here's a purposely cringey image from WikiHow on a proposer who didn't think things through and messed up their proposal.

As I prepared to assist my friend's now fiance with his, I found myself channeling the best acting skills I had, which are close to none. What can I say? I'm too honest. When my friend brought up that she had recently chosen a ring, I pretended to be shocked and surprised, and tried with all my might to ask questions and make it seem like the proposal would be at a different time and place. I think it worked out well enough.

My lifelong friend, Lea, thought otherwise after seeing me joke my way through a dinner the night before. Why? Because I wonder if I have been planning and writing the wrong type of proposals. Grant proposals can be for insane amounts of money, but it must be used in specific ways... usually ways that didn't pay me enough. I hope to raise my prices after I finish my PhD. Anyway, as we feasted on wagyu and pork belly, I wondered aloud what it could look like if I had planned my friend's proposal.

You're golfing on a regular day. He finally gets the ball into the hole and must grab it from its hole. He gets down on one knee with the golf ball in his hand. BAM! There's the ring.

You're doing the daily chores and it has come to the time to clean your cat's litter box. Gross! ou start shoveling the lumps into a plastic trash bag when you notice one of the lumps doesn't look like your normal cat turds. Is it sparkling? He rushes to the room, grabs the hard lump of litter and opens it in half. BAM! There's the ring.

You're at the newest Italian restaurant and the meat balls and spaghetti have arrived. After doing a Lady and the Tramp noodle kiss, he grabs a meatball off the plate and gets on one knee. BAM! There's the ring.

You're attending a funeral. As you walk up to the open casket, he reveals himself squished into the casket and arises like a vampire. BAM! There's the ring.

You're on your prep period on a normal school day when you're called into the office via intercom. It looks as if he's brought you lunch until he pulls it out of the paper bag. BAM! There's the ring.

Okay, I'll admit some of those ideas are better than others. These were some of my most memorable think-alouds at dinner that night. Either way, it got me thinking if most proposals go how the person being proposed to would like or imagine. If not, would they still say yes? Would they go back and change any mistakes? That's where a proposal planner could come in. Like wedding planners, proposal planners could organize the finest details of the proposal for the proposer and take some of the anxiety and pressure off of them. If as artistic as me, they could make props (or buy them, I guess) to hide the ring in, such as the golf ball, cat litter clump, or other shapes that can naturally fit a ring inside. Oranges! EOS lip balms! ice cubes! pill bottles! bags of chips! pencil sharpeners! dishwasher pods! a large agate rock! I'm sure you get the idea.

The proposal planner could create the props and help the proposer prepare with a proposal that is significant, special, and just perfect for the propose-ee. All my ideas were based on what I knew about my friend. They golfed together. They had pets. She worked at a school. For the less-creative people out there, the proposal planner could gather these kinds of information, learn about the propose-ee, and make sure things went according to plan. Timing would work out. Location would be decorated, with or without others, and of course include a photographer or drone with a camera. All the proposer would have to do is wait and follow the plan. While I'm not sure how many proposals go that poorly, I'm sure the proposal at the motel could have benefitted from a service like this. And I can't help but wonder how much people are willing to pay to make sure everything is perfect for their beloved and for themselves. How much is the creative mind worth?

Ironically, I don't even know how I'd want to be proposed to if someone ever did. I just wouldn't want it in public due to the peer pressure of it all. While I am a bit sad I haven't been the propose-ee, I also don't have that anxiety of thinking of ways I personally would want to be proposed to only to be let down by a man like my toxic ex. I may not have my forever-person yet, but the possibilities are wide open and I'm available if anyone needs a proposal planner. One day, hopefully, BAM! There's the ring!

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