Purple: The Political Victim

I feel that there is no right way to discuss politics without upsetting large portions of audiences, audiences that hold various views both on the extremes and within the spectrum between. The most I can say without feeling attacked is I'm scared, and I'm tired of being scared.

No matter what I've said and what I'm scared of, I've had close friends and co-workers give me arguments saying that my problem with all of this is not a legitimate one. Fine. I still feel how I feel. I feel purple, a space between red and blue. Though a beautiful color, it feels like a miserable place to be in a time such as this. Why?

A Woman's Body

Much to my dismay, I was born a girl. I've battled with it my whole life. I've never really been what some might consider a socially acceptable way of being a woman; I've always been loud, critical, education-focused, longing for anything other than the life of a mother and care-taker. When Roe v. Wade was overturned, I felt it in the pit of my stomach: fear. I often was afraid in public as a weak single woman. With the overturn, I felt trapped. What if something happened to me, and the result was trauma embodied by an unwanted pregnancy? I saw the rules considered by the current red state I call home and shuddered at the thought.

I decided to do everything in my power to prevent any possibility of this happening. I originally wanted to wait until I had a stable lifestyle, but the fear urged me on. Within a year, I sought a bilateral salpingectomy. A little over a year later, I got it. My tubes were removed, and I now refer to myself as "fixed," a term relating to our pets when they are prevented from having pups and a way to describe how broken I felt when it was possible for me to become a mother.

Still, I worry for the other women afraid of losing the lives they've planned because of assault and the women who can be defined as criminals for choosing to save their lives over the lives of fetuses that may or may not survive to personhood. I worry about laws that will restrict treatment related to women's fertility. When do we become our own instead of being viewed as potentially someone else's (baby or husband) in the future?

Old News

I'll make this short: There has to be a better candidate than the top 2 candidates we have running for president right now. And I know that better candidates on both sides would exist if younger, fresher people in politics were given a chance instead of old, famous farts who have been in positions of power for ages. I don't want to relive the 2020 election. I don't want to relive either of the last presidencies. The fact that I've been put in the position where I have to choose between the 2 is ridiculous. And I hate the rules and politics and money and all the reasons why this is happening again. It sucks. If so many Americans agree, why does this political system put us in this uncomfortable situation?

Threats

Both sides of this election seem to make very strong statements that emotionally appeal to the voters. They describe rights being taken away, threats of violence if votes don't go their way, fear-mongering of World War III. I feel as if they're trying to install fear in us to vote for them and against the other. I don't want to vote for something because of fear. I want to vote for someone who I believe will be a good leader for our country. That includes taking precautions needed to avoid another pandemic disaster, protecting medical and human rights, not provoking war or violence, etc. To fully rep one party or the other, one candidate or another, feels sickening when I dislike both. Stop appealing to us through fear. Appeal to us through logic and ethos, character.

Teacher

I've taught English since 2017. I've experienced violence, shut downs, and threats as a student and teacher. What I would have considered one of the safest jobs has become one of the most dangerous as teachers aren't allowed to carry protective gear on campus and violence in schools is on the rise. Guns may produce more violence, but can't I at least be allowed to carry a taser? I have recurring nightmares of school attacks where I am helpless, and my students are helpless, and school security and police do nothing to save us, because they don't have to. My shooting skills and safety training from Marksmanship Club are worthless. My knowledge is worthless. My university's doors that I have no power to lock or unlock are worthless. I'm nothing. Surely the president can do something to solve this better than it has been dealt with in the past.

Christian

Beneath it all, I believe in God and Jesus. I'm not red. People at church have not always agreed with my not wanting to become a mother or care-taker, or agreed with my clothes or make-up or asexuality, or agreed with my idea of what freedom really means. I have nightmares of this fight too. How can I believe in God and Jesus without believing exactly what everybody in church believes? How can I vote other than how they vote? How can I read the same verses, listen to the same sermons, and experience the same Holy Spirit and come to radically different conclusions? I don't know, but I indeed have. It's hard for me to find a church that feels like a good fit because of this. I'm not afraid to be challenged, but I also don't want my relationship with fellow believers to constantly be a political fight or someone always opting to pray for me as a lost soul. I hate that.

Overall, I am scared. I don't know when that will end. I don't know how violet or plum that will make me vote in November. I'm scared and tired, and have been such for years now. All I know is how unhappy politics has made me. I've decided to end with a poem I wrote in 2021, speaking of my same concern with different backgrounds as a chronically ill person in a pandemic. I know no better way to end my rants and complaints of the current issues at hand:

#IDisappointMyDad #IDMD #post17 #07072024 #Purple #thepoliticalvictim #red #blue #eitherwayimscrewed #Ihatepolitics