Reflections on Vermunt's Careergasm

As I come to the end of my PhD Program, I am thinking about my future to prepare for the job market. Part of this prep includes plenty of reading and conversations with close friends. I recently read Sarah Vermunt's Careergasm: Find Your Way to Feel-Good Work. Here are some of my reflections.

from Sarah Vermunt's Careergasm Website

What sparks joy

Vermunt asks the reader to think back to when they were a child, unhindered by fear of judgment or socially constructed "rules." What did I do and what brought me joy? Do they still bring me joy? Mostly yes. I think of my childhood as the artist in the family, the Pokémon lover, the mystery solver, the writer, and the joker. These aspects of me have still remained as an adult. Since growing older and being more introspective, I've learned about my other interests and skills: organization, giving advice or helping others think things through, design, teaching a lesson that sets off lightbulbs in my students' brains, doing qualitative and mixed-methods research, and make-up artistry.

Most recently, I ran into one of my students from 2017 who still remembered me. We talked about what we've been up to since then and it made me remember one of the big things that spark joy in me: seeing those I help excel in life and seeing people happy, regardless of what paths they pursued since I last taught them. This is my big joy spark as a teacher and mentor. I don't get to see it often, but whenever I do I feel that warmth and joy for them deeply in my heart. It's one of those feelings that reminds me that I don't need biological children to feel that warmth and pride; seeing it in my students and mentees is enough for me.

This advice, in my opinion, is more useful than those personality quizzes that Vermunt mentions in the beginning of the book, quizzes I've taken many times only to receive radically different results that often didn't feel like good matches for me, such as landscape architect, actress, or mother.

What causes hissy fits

Similar to reflecting on what has brought joy in childhood, Vermunt also asks readers to reflect on what caused them to go into hysterical hissy fits both back then and now. This is pretty easy for me, because I feel constantly on the verge of a hissy fit. Last year, I got so frustrated with a task that I let out what my professor later called a "primal scream" in the hallway outside of our classroom. When I entered the classroom afterwards, my professor asked if I heard it, only to realize it was me. I was the primal screamer. While it was embarrassing, it helped me release my stress before I had a full on hissy fit break down in the classroom.

During childhood, I can remember being extremely picky and full of hissy fit energy if my picky needs weren't met. I hated having to talk to people I didn't feel comfortable with and I hated having to look people in the eye when talking. I hated P.E. and most physical activities. I hated loud noises and jump scares. I hated bright lights. I hated history classes on cultures and religions I wasn't interested in. I hated phone calls and public speaking. I hated having to be quiet. I hated doing repetitive work I already knew how to do. My hatred would lead to the loudest, most intense hissy fits or just me shutting down completely. I held a lot of hate in my heart for what I did hate. As I grew up, some of my hatred changed: I learned how to public speak by practicing teaching, I learned how to talk to people on the phone for the most part, and I learned what repetitive work was necessary for success and focused on that repetition alone. I developed new hissy fit criteria too, though: customer service representatives, asking for help from chatbots, advocacy when I paid for things that did not fulfill their purposes (this with my health insurance was what caused my scream in the college hallway), working with people who didn't do their fair share, working with people who only care about themselves instead of the project or others, budgeting, stressing over how to look and sound "professional," and running social events. These activities left me drained, upset, and on the verge of hissy fits. What sucks is how many of these hated tasks are needed for what many people consider part of being a true adult. I hope in the future this is something I can afford to pay an assistant to do instead. And if my job asked it of me, good luck getting me to invest my energy into the work.

collage careers

Vermunt mentions examples of people doing collage careers, where they do what they love and something else to support themselves enough for them to pursue what they love. For example, I teach writing to afford for me to take grad classes on things I'm interested in like dis/ability studies and research methods. While teaching isn't something I completely hate, my true love is what it allows me to do outside of the job. I've tried other collage careers: working for customer service at Walmart and CVS while in undergrad, teaching English to Chinese exchange students each summer during grad school, and scooping ice cream to pay for my painting supplies. Most recently, I've considered doing an OnlyFans or FootFinder to further fund my grad school expenses. This advice rung true; sometimes we must let the old and new careers overlap a bit like a collage for us to move forward and still afford our lifestyles.

Risk Disappointment

Vermunt also advises us to risk disappointment in order for us to move forward. It reminds me of how I got into my current relationship. I liked him, he liked me. I knew what I wanted and went for it. I risked it all for a kiss. Two years later, that kiss led to our relationship and living together with our 3 lovely cats. That risk was worth the reward. I know there are past risks that didn't work out the same. The previous guy I confessed feelings to sat in silence with me for about 10 minutes before saying he was moving in 10 days and it wouldn't work. We're no longer friends, and that sucks. Not all risks turn out to be rewarding, but without taking those risks, I couldn't move forward. At least I attempted to go for what I wanted.

The same is true about careers. After teaching high school was a living nightmare for me, the risk of moving across the country to teach college while in grad school was a really big risk. It wouldn't be cheap, I had only one friend where I was going, and I didn't know if I could teach again after my nightmare career sucked the joy from my soul the previous year. This risk eventually paid off. I learned how to be more confident as a teacher, and learned that I really did enjoy teaching as a job, just not dealing with parents, phone calls, and discipline that didn't change behaviors. I love teaching college writing, and I would have never known if I hadn't risked it all. Having that careergasm was worth it for me.

I'm too _____ to do ______ Excuses

Vermunt uses this format when describing the sometimes real and sometimes unrealistic excuses people had for not changing their paths. I have a lot of insecurities too:

• I'm too young to be a respected professor

• I'm too low-class to get tenure

• I'm too loud or annoying to network with scholars I look up to

• I'm too awkward to teach large classes

• I'm too poor to finish grad school without debt

• I'm too novice to get published

• I'm too healthy to be disabled

• I'm too mentally ill or neurodivergent to succeed in academia

• I'm too ugly to have a boyfriend

• I'm too needy to have long close friendships and relationships

The list could go on. I still feel like a lot of these are true, but I could never forgive myself if I never tried because of what I fear. Especially in education, we encourage a growth mindset. I needed to have one too. I'm working my way through my excuses and hoping to achieve my goals in spite of them.

Money

Vermunt encourages us to consider how much money we need versus how much we want. I believe money would fix a lot of things for me as I've been very poor, but after fixing some of the issues once or twice, I'd have more money than I know what to do with if I became a tenured professor of writing. My first year, I plan to get my teeth implants, wisdom teeth removed, more tattoos, Lasik for my eyes, an expensive haircut and dye, and a place to live where I can have a home office. After that, the extra money would probably go towards trips, medical needs, art supplies, and fancy, healthy meals. Maybe I could invest or donate the extra. I've never had enough money to live so excessively; If I made about 10,000 dollars more than right now, I'm sure I'd be fine for the time being. My plan is to get a job that triples what I'm currently making, which would be a big step up. However, I know what my experience and knowledge makes me worth; I refuse to accept less if thats the work I'm doing. If I find work elsewhere, I'd be happy to make something a bit less. I'm fine being humble if I have medical insurance. I'm glad Vermunt addresses this concern; it's a big one for those anxious to change their lives.

Own Your Choices

The last part I really like to focus on is Vermunt's advice to own our choices. If we must do a miserable collage career when starting out in a different field, we must own that we are making that choice to accomplish our dreams and afford them later. This is something I often feel negatively about as grad school can often feel abusive with the high costs but low stipends. My best friend Lea has always told me when I complain that this was the path I chose to follow my dream. While I can be often upset, she's right. I'm doing this now to be happy with my career later. My sacrifice will hopefully be worth it in the future. I just have to keep working for my dream. This mental reframing was a nice reminder of putting energy towards what I need to succeed in my goals. I need to double-down on my goals, not regret them for the present, fleeting issues I face.

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