Why I finally used AI

I'm not trying to sound cocky, but I think my writing is better than AI's most of the time. This perspective comes from my limited experience using ChatGPT during our department meeting in January and the few sketchy assignment submissions where my students use words like "delve" but fail to meet the requirements specified on the assignment prompt and rubric. During that department meeting, I submitted my prompts and their rubrics into ChatGPT and read its responses. For all three of my major assignments, the AI produced work I'd give a high F to, as they didn't address the prompt fully. No lie, it felt pretty satisfying to think that even if I couldn't prove an assignment was created by ChatGPT, the grade itself wouldn't pass.

As AI grew more and more popular in discussions for my field of study, many people have grown concerned that it will make jobs like mine meaningless or nonexistent. I actually value my field and skills more now. For the last decade or so, English (or the humanities in general) has been unfairly moved behind STEM in priority. As an English major for the past 10 years, I've heard all the distaste for it. People saw it as an "easy" major, a degree where the only job I'd be qualified for is teaching Chinese children English as their second language. It definitely wasn't associated with wealthy wages that would help us pay back our student loans! Now, we finally get the spotlight. I don't think I could say it any better than a tweet from November by @MatthewDowSmith:

Just remember: Arts & Humanities are so useless and pointless that Tech Bros were driven to spend billions of dollars to try and get a computer to do something that badly approximates something Arts & Humanities students could do half asleep and wired on coffee the night before the due date.

Getting me to feel worthless after reading that is near impossible. If English wasn't such a valuable field with highly sought after skills, why would anybody be spending all their time, effort, and money trying to outdo what I do? And if it was so successful, how could readers often tell the difference between authors and submitters of a text? As AI continues to learn from its mistakes and improve, I still believe it will never truly replace me and my colleagues. It is just a new tool to learn how to work with rather than trying to let it do everything on its own like our digital servant.

I thought that I would never really have to use AI. I thought I was fully capable of writing without it. I certainly didn't think I'd ever have to rely on it either. I went on the ChatGPT site in a state close to that described in Matthew Dow Smith's tweet: half asleep and wired on Ice Pop Prime on a Saturday morning after being unable to sleep for the majority of the night. Why? Let's take a deep dive into my anxious brain!

I feel like I could include a disclaimer before every single stage of this story, but if I did that this would be a never-ending blog that my few readers would never finish. Instead, I'll just say two. First, I understand not everything revolves around me. Second, I know this may sound stupid, illogical, obsessive, etc. My brain works in ways I am still learning to understand and work with. For the sake of the story, just go with it, like I am forced to every day. Alright. Back to the story of when I first used AI.

The whole week leading up to this Saturday morning, I had been waiting for some kind of response that I never got. The week before, I had participated at a national conference in my field. Usually, I would take a photo or two and not give it another thought. As I prepare to go on the job market in the next year or so, I thought that a little publicity couldn't hurt. I'd seen-- let's just call them Casey-- feature several other students on the organization website when they attended conferences or published articles in their hometown newspaper. I thought I could do it, too, so I sent Casey an email with a photo of me participating at the conference and even included a witty caption with some hashtags to add to the clout. Then, I waited.

This wasn't the first time I asked Casey to post something. However, the last request was more organization-based and less personal. It was never responded to. After a week since I sent this inquiry, I was once again not responded to. Normally, I get it. We are all busy. I'm sure Casey has more clients than us. I'm sure I'm a bit overly emotional sometimes too. What really bothered me was how I was left on read for a second time and within the same week, Casey posted about 3 other students. One of them was at the same conference I attended; their picture was posted the day the picture was taken. One of them was a student who practically took over the organization social media page. Within the last 2 years, over half the posts were about them. The other one was enough for me to feel more than ignored. I had heard nothing from Casey as these were posted.

As the week dragged on, I started to feel more tricked. I double-checked Casey's email to make sure it was spelled correctly. I checked with a co-worker to make sure the email got through. As other pictures were posted, I grew more hurt. Maybe the reason why I wasn't responded to was more than a technical issue. Was my photo not high-quality enough? Was my conference participation not as impressive as the other student's? Was I not pretty enough? Not professional enough? Not white enough? Not diverse enough? Not fancy enough? Not suck-up enough? Not liked enough? Not as worthy as the other students whose pictures overwhelmed the account?

I knew I could never ask Casey this. Our boss wouldn't side with me. I felt it deeply. Yet, I couldn't just be ignored. That Saturday, I typed up Casey's email and prepared to finally confront him. Nothing seemed right. My partner, hovering over my shoulder as I typed, deleted, and typed again, knew better. He, my unintentional guru about how to behave as neurotypically and professionally as possible at work, told me to stop. Everything I typed was offensive, rude, or weird in a way that wouldn't work out for me. Still, I couldn't let this inferior feeling Casey left me with follow me around for forevermore.

I decided to do the unthinkable. I asked ChatGPT how to politely ask a co-worker why they haven't completed a task or replied to my email, and it spit out a formatted, 3-paragraph email. I showed it to my partner, who nodded and said it wasn't bad. I changed a couple of lines to be more specific to my situation, but otherwise kept the email the same and press sent.

Afterwards, I thought I would feel guilt. I didn't. In fact, I kind of appreciated the AI. It made me wonder if there were more appropriate ways to teach students how to use AI to improve their communication skills, like a tool instead of a servant. As an especially anxious student who once sent their professor a cringey email starting with "Why aren't you replying to my emails???????" back when I didn't know about formality rules in undergrad, I could have benefitted from working with something like ChatGPT to help overcome my neurodivergence and lack of education when communicating with others. Perhaps other students like me have considered the same. What once was an annoying conversation starter has now become an area of interest now that I think it can be a useful and accessible tool for closing communication gaps. I think I may have to play with AI during stressful interactions more often now, too.

#IDisappointMyDad #IDMD #post7 #04282024 #WhyIFinallyUsedAI #neurodivergence #mentalhealth #anxiety #humanities #communication #AI #ChatGPT

*Names have been changed to pseudonyms