Thoughts on the Natural Body Myth

As I prepare to go on the academic job market, I have a lot of concerns. What is probably my largest concern after needing accommodations during campus visit interviews is people's first impressions of me. When meeting people who you might work with or for, you want to present your best self, hiding the unprofessional and off-duty pieces of your personality for another time. I've always struggled with that.

I have this unfortunately internalized fear that people hate me when they first meet me. This might be due to the amount of bullying I suffered as a teen because of my high-pitched voice, below average looks, unpopular fashion choices, and lack of cutting parts of myself off for other people. It might also be due to deep insecurities that have never been fully countered against. Either way, I feel outcast.

I wonder if hiding pieces of myself during the job search is possible. While I hope people will see my qualifications and passion first, I also worry they might see me once and make assumptions in their mind. My hair is blue. I have facial piercings. I love to wear overly dramatic make-up. I have tattoos. My fashion sense is rooted in comfort rather than prestige. When I am in pain, I don't push through; I excuse myself to suffer alone. People in my past have looked at me and made strange, often incorrect conclusions. I've been called bisexual and gay. I've been called Native American (I am not). I've been called a baby in a suit. I've been classified as a sinning whore. I've been sexually, racially, and culturally profiled.... all because of how I look when people first see me. I hate that.

from bright to natural to bright again

I wonder if doing a normie make-over on the job market would matter. I could use a blonde wig, remove all my piercings, wear minimal make-up in acceptable colors, dress classy and professional while suffering to breathe, and modestly cover my tattoos. I'd still look in the mirror and not understand why some of these things make a professional or not. All make-up and intentional stylings are mindful and artistic. All tattoos, hairstyles, and piercings cost money; perhaps they should be a symbol of wealth instead of poverty or poor taste.

Is it assumed that people who are more natural in their looks are more confident in themselves since they don't alter their body as much? Why is pink lipstick but not green lipstick welcome in the workplace? Why are tattoos considered trashy when they cost so much money? Why do face piercings but not ear piercings make some people uncomfortable? It's just metal. Or maybe it is assumed that natural fits into out culture more than unnatural. The unnatural perhaps gives people a glimpse of the absurd or the uncanny, some feeling they rather not feel or make sense of. Do they look at me in disgust, fear, or anger? Do they truly hate me or are they envious of me not being shackled by constraints of cultural acceptance and the "natural" body? I'm not sure.

People tell me that hiding my true self won't work out in the long run, and I believe they're right. It's hard for me to hide parts of myself. They say I wouldn't want to work anywhere where I am not welcome as my true self, but what if my true self is what causes me to become jobless? I wish I could just be and people could sense my intellect, humor, or helpfulness instead of putting these identities onto me based on what I look like. It's wild to me that my body is always either excessive or not enough. I am a person but am treated mechanically. I am altered but still the same.

How will this impact my time on the job market? I'm not quite sure yet. Stay tuned for more, I guess.

#IDMD #IDisappointMyDad #bodymodification #tattoos #makeup #piercings #natural #jobsearch #academia #sickness